Ok so Thanksgiving is almost here but I feel a cloud over me. Earlier, it just descended on me. I guess it’s seasonal stuff or just frustration with all the stuff going on. Visiting the store just now to get a few things for lunch, it seems consumerism is reaching a fever pitch. The store was loaded with people madly filling their carts with things they may or may not use. Perhaps that is a good thing in that some of it ends up in the hands of the needy in the form of donations to food drives and so forth. But it is the behavior that is more alarming than ever. I lived here last year but didn’t feel that way so much.
Somehow can’t wait for tax season to start again so I can regain some focus. It’s nice to have lots of time off and I have gotten to focus on other areas of my life over the summer and fall. Mostly getting out with hiking meetup groups and for a nice week in August visiting with an overseas friend including a few days in Vancouver.
Also caught up on a lot of the available Krishnamurti talks to explore the otherness of life.
I am continuing to adjust to life here and there are imperfections to say the least that make me feel like my life is not firing on all cylinders. The personal social aspects of meeting people here beyond the one off meeting remain frustrating but the other day in meeting someone I just enjoyed the lunch without expectations of anything after. He initiated contact saying I was good looking. This could set certain expectations in motion but I won’t be tempted. Says he wants to meet for dinner. He’s not ugly but not attractive either. So, given that, I should probably take him up on the offer. I just hate the way sexuality is still the hook after all these years. It’s not overtly present in attitude as say 30 years ago, but occulted…
Careerwise is still a source of frustration. Every time I go to LinkedIn, I can sense the frustration at still not having anything solid. I see jobs posted that are suggestions but I don’t have what they are looking for. I will stop now because I am just getting Continue reading
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It is in beta but I recently joined. Seems more story author oriented than blogging.
I just feel like so blah for so lo mbgvdqbdqmehärböfjlsc GnACNAF AF AFNA
It just seems it would have been easier to be straight sometimes. Men are such cunts. Oh reader you are surprised? Get over yourself as they say here. You should know this isn’t comfort zone stuff. I am angry…very very angry. Even very got the red underline but it is correct spelling. The auto-editor is jealous of my emphasis .
Laptop is getting worse. I can barely type without huge backtracks to correct space and letter misses. HP…you aren’t any better than Sony or Dell. Is there a laptop with a great key board? Lenovo maybe???? But IBM has been a downer. Looking at my stocks lately it is a weak one but not the weakest or giving me a loss.
This trivial existence must end.
The urgency is re-emerging.
I wish to wake up and not have a definite idea of where I am.